ys in London, I, on the contrary,
avoided it, and shrunk with nervous dread from being alone
with her. They went; and when she took leave of me, she folded
me in her arms, and whispered in my ear, "God guide thee--God
bless thee! my beloved child!"

I hid my face in her bosom; and the burning tears which I shed
there, were my only answer to a blessing which seemed to heap
coals of fire on my head. I turned from the window whence I
had watched their departure, and a sense of desolation took
possession of me. I had never opened my heart to her; I had
never _told_ her that I was wretched; but if at any moment the
cup was too full, and my heart-strings stretched to bursting,
I could turn to her and say, "My soul is heavy within me," and
she never said, "Why is it thus with you?" She never told me
that life was fair, and my share of its blessings great, and
that I _ought_ to be happy. She did not _know_ that I was
miserable--but she _felt_ it; and to me, young, strong and
blooming as I then was--to me the idol of the man I
adored--the spoilt child of fortune--she had in those moments
the heart's instinct to say--"Earth, my child, has a grave;
and in Heaven there is rest."

We went for the few days which intervened between Mr. and Mrs.
Middleton's departure and the meeting of parliament, to the
Moores' at Hampstead; and I enjoyed more quiet there than I
had done since we had left Hillscombe.

Rosa was absent; and the society might have been reckoned
dull; but to me it was a time of comparative peace, and
sometimes almost of happiness.

Edward was in good spirits; and the emotion which he evinced
on seeing again the spot where our destinies had been sealed,
was a proof how truly he loved me. And, oh, with what
tenderness, with what affection, I regarded him; but how I
feared him too, and with what moral weariness I strove to keep
up before him, in very fear, the appearance of that character
which he fondly supposed me to possess. He sternly reproved me
for each act, for each word, that fell short of that standard
of perfection which his imagination had drawn. He attributed
to me merits and qualities which I did not possess; but, on
the other hand, he looked upon me as a spoilt and fanciful
child, who must be taught to see life as it is, and to fulfil
its every-day duties. His praise and his blame depressed and
discouraged me alike.

I was idle, for repose was a strange luxury to my weary
spirit; and Edward gave me