fees, and
having relieved all but the king he fled, taking his homoeopathic
arts with him. The king wore the head of a donkey to his latest day.

THE QUEER OLD LADY WHO WENT TO COLLEGE.

[Illustration: THE QUEER OLD LADY WHO WENT TO COLLEGE.]

There was a queer old lady, and she had lost her youth;
She bought her a new mirror,
And it told to her the truth.
Did she break the truthful mirror?
Oh, no, no; no, no, no, no.
But she bought some stays quite rare,
Some false teeth and wavy hair,
Some convex-concave glasses such as men of culture wear,
And then she looked again,
And she said, "I am not plain,--
I am not plain, 'tis plain,
Not very, very plain,
I did not think that primps and crimps
Would change a body so.
I'll take a book on Art,
And press it to my heart,
And I'll straightway go to college,
Where I think I'll catch a beau."

[Illustration: "And it told to her the truth."]

[Illustration: "Not very, very plain."]

II.

She made her way to college just as straight as straight could be,
And she asked for the Professor of the new philosophie;
He met her with a smile
And said, "Pray rest awhile,
And come into my parlor and take a cup of tea.
We will talk of themes celestial,--
Of the flowery nights in June
When blow the gentle zephyrs;
Of the circle round the moon;
Of the causes of the causes."
These college men are quite and very much polite,
And when you call upon them they you straightway in invite.

[Illustration: "They you straightway in invite."]

III.

But the lady she was modest,
And she said, "You me confuse;
I have come, O man of wisdom,
To get a bit of news.
There's a problem of life's problems
That often puzzles me:
Tell me true, O man of Science,
When my wedding-day will be."

IV.

Quick by the hand he seized her,
He of the philosophie,
And his answer greatly pleased her
When they had taken tea:
"'Twill be, my fair young lady,
When you are _twenty-three_!"

V.

At her window, filled with flowers,
Then she waited happy hours,
Scanned the byways and the highways
To see what she could see.
If the postman brought a letter,
It was sure to greatly fret her,--
Fret her so her maid she'd frighten