on, and your premature chiding deplore,
For our merciful mission, in brief,
Is to brighten the tragical drama of war
By providing the comic relief.

* * * * *

If I were like a man I know and _Billing_ were my name,
I wouldn't waste my precious time in striving after fame;
I'd let it come to me unsought, unstruggled for, and then
I'd just go on existing as a perfect specimen.

No care would line my marble brow; I'd take no thought of pelf;
I'd lie the long day through at ease a-thinking of myself;
For when a man's mere presence lends to any scene delight
He needn't worry what he does--whate'er he does is right.

If I could bloom as blooms the rose, and BILLING were a bee,
With all my pink and petalled force I'd coax him unto me;
I'd open out my honeyed store, and he might linger on,
Or cut and cut and come again until the whole were gone.

Such heaps of charm our BILLING has, such tons of _savoir faire_,
It irks me much to see him spend his treasures on the air;
And, still to hint a further fault, he cultivates the pose
Of knowing all of everything, and lets you know he knows.

* * * * *

Reproductions of Mr. Punch's picture "Haven" are to be sold for
the benefit of the Star and Garter Building Fund, and may be
obtained from the Secretary of the Fund, at 21, Old Bond Street,
W. They are to be had in two sizes, at _2s. 6d._ and _1s._, or,
with Postage and Packing, _2s. 10d._ and _1s. 2d._

* * * * *

THE LUCKIEST MAN.

We were talking, the other night, about lucky people. Barmer declared
that he knew the man (of whom we had all of us heard) who was left a
large fortune by an eccentric old gentleman whose hat he had picked up
on a windy day at Brighton. A better and more original contribution to
the discussion was that of Bastable, a retired Anglo-Indian. I give it
as nearly as I can in his own words. "The luckiest man I ever met," he
said, "is my groom-gardener, Andrews. I don't mean to say in respect of
prosperity or health, for he is a delicate man, and I can only afford to
give him a modest wage. But he has a charmed life, as you will admit
when you hear of his three escapes.

"Number 1 was when he was employed in repairing the roof of one of the
big London stations. He was slung up in a cradle when he lost his
balance and fell to the ground--a dista