WILL BE PLEASED TO SPILL SALT WITH YOU.
_From the "St. James's Budget."_]

In place of the old-fashioned formula, "The Chairman will be pleased to
drink wine with the gentlemen on his right," and then on his left, the
Toastmaster had to announce that the Chairman would be pleased to "spill
salt" with those on his right, etc.; but force of habit was too strong,
and "drink wine" came out, and although this was corrected, it was
strange that in some cases the guests held up their glasses and did not
spill salt. Of course, throwing salt over the shoulder was prohibited;
that superstitious operation would have been sufficient to disqualify
any member.

Beside each member was placed a looking-glass, and in the course of the
evening it went forth that "The Chairman will be pleased to shiver
looking-glasses with the members," and smash! smash! went the
mercury-coated glass all over the tables.

It then fell to me to present each of the thirteen chairmen with a
pen-knife, refusing of course the customary coin in return. I was
presented with a ferocious-looking knife, with a multiplicity of blades
and other adjuncts, which I treasure as a memento of the dinner.

[Illustration: A KNIFE I WAS PRESENTED WITH.]

These are a few trifles I had to deal with in addition to the usual
toasts, and I fervently trust it may never again be my lot to be called
upon to take the chair at a "unique banquet" entailing such surprises
and shocks and so many speeches:

I proposed the loyal toast as follows:--

The
Queen
Prince
and
Princess
of
Wales
and
rest
of
the
Royal
Family
13

I had a point to make, but forgot it (oh, those squinting waiters!),
showing that 1894 was a very unlucky year. However, any mathematician
could prove that '94 = 9 + 4 = 13. _Q.E.D._ I might also have really
utilised only thirteen words in giving the toast of the evening, as
follows:

Enemies
of
Superstition
Ignorance
and
Humbug
drink
success
to
The
London
Thirteen
Club
-------
13
-------
-------

On my way to the Thirteen Club Dinner I met a well-known _Punch_ artist,
also a keen man of the world. I invited him. He started with horror.
"Not for worlds! I _am_ superstitious--never more so than at this
moment. Why, do you know that this has been a most unlucky month with
me? Everything