press the more than utter foolishness of this latter Charlie o'er
the water nonsense, whether in rhyme or prose, there is but one word, and
that word a Scotch word. Scotch, the sorriest of jargons, compared with
which even Roth Welsch is dignified and expressive, has yet one word to
express what would be inexpressible by any word or combination of words
in any language, or in any other jargon in the world; and very properly;
for as the nonsense is properly Scotch, so should the word be Scotch
which expresses it--that word is "fushionless," pronounced
_fooshionless_; and when the writer has called the nonsense
fooshionless--and he does call it fooshionless--he has nothing more to
say, but leaves the nonsense to its fate.

CHAPTER VIII. ON CANTING NONSENSE.

The writer now wishes to say something on the subject of canting
nonsense, of which there is a great deal in England. There are various
cants in England, amongst which is the religious cant. He is not going
to discuss the subject of religious cant: lest, however, he should be
misunderstood, he begs leave to repeat that he is a sincere member of the
old-fashioned Church of England, in which he believes there is more
religion, and consequently less cant, than in any other church in the
world; nor is he going to discuss many other cants; he shall content
himself with saying something about two--the temperance cant and the
unmanly cant. Temperance canters say that "it is unlawful to drink a
glass of ale." Unmanly canters say that "it is unlawful to use one's
fists." The writer begs leave to tell both these species of canters that
they do not speak the words of truth.

It is very lawful to take a cup of ale, or wine, for the purpose of
cheering or invigorating yourself when you are faint and downhearted; and
likewise to give a cup of ale or wine to others when they are in a
similar condition. The Holy Scripture sayeth nothing to the contrary,
but rather encourageth people in so doing by the text, "Wine maketh glad
the heart of man." But it is not lawful to intoxicate yourself with
frequent cups of ale or wine, nor to make others intoxicated, nor does
the Holy Scripture say that it is. The Holy Scripture no more says that
it is lawful to intoxicate yourself or others, than it says that it is
unlawful to take a cup of ale or wine yourself, or to give one to others.
Noah is not commended in the Scripture for making himself drunken on the
wine he brewed. Nor