her we were
expecting guests that evening, and receiving an answer in the negative)
he came down to dinner in a sort of alpaca smoking-jacket and a tartan
tie. On the second, having evidently decided to treat us to all the
resources of his wardrobe as soon as possible, he appeared in more or
less ordinary evening attire. He wore a small white satin bow-tie,
attached to his collar-stud by a brass clip. The tie fell off the stud
into his soup almost immediately, and its owner, after furtively chasing
it round the plate with his forefinger, finally fished it out with the
aid of a fork; and, having squeezed as much soup as possible back into
the plate, put the bow into his waistcoat pocket and resumed his meal
with every appearance of enjoyment.

He left next morning. As the Twins pathetically observed: "It had to be
him or us!" I was sorry, for he was a tidy little creature away from
table.

After that I did a rash thing. I engaged a Private Secretary on the spur
of the moment and without consulting my household.

One morning I had occasion to visit the British Museum. That mausoleum
of learning is not an habitual resort of mine, but on this occasion I
had found it necessary to refresh my memory on the subject of a small
principality situated somewhere in the Pacific, and reported to be in a
state of considerable unrest, concerning which the member for Upper
Gumbtree, an unpleasantly omniscient young man with a truculent manner,
had been asking questions in the House. It seemed that British interests
in that quarter were not being adequately protected by our Department,
and this extremely pushing gentleman was now gaining much cheap applause
in the columns of those low-priced organs which make a living by
deriding his Majesty's Ministers, by bombarding us with fatuous
inquiries on the subject. My Chief had only the most hazy notion about
the place--as a matter of fact I do not believe that either he or any of
the permanent officials had ever heard of it--and I was in a precisely
similar condition. I was accordingly bidden to get up the subject, and
accumulate a mass of information thereon which would not only satiate
the appetite of the honourable member, but choke him off for all time.

Finding myself in want of a particular Gazetteer which was not to be
found in the office, and being in no mood to take a clerk, however
uncritical, into my confidence, I called a hansom and drove straight to
the Museum; where, having e