to be a butcher of the most
surpassing kind. In the short space of two hours I had covered
forty-three pages more of foolscap, and was about entering on my
forty-fourth, when there came a banging at my door for the third time,
and a despatch was handed me announcing that there _had been no battle
at all!_

From early childhood I had been taught that "whom the Lord loveth he
chasteneth," and, although the present circumstances clearly left me no
escape from the conviction that I must be an especial favorite of
Heaven, they could not prevent me from compensating my pent-up agony of
soul by literally eating seven and a half pages of my last "review." I
never knew before what "living on literary diet" meant, but I am wiser
now, and do not regret the "dread ordeal" by which I came to know all I
do know. Revenge occurred to me as the natural impulse of a man in such
a situation; but upon whom was I to be revenged? The government had
given currency to all these wild rumors; but it had too many heads for
me to punch. The job was bigger than I cared to undertake. The thought
occurred to me that I might present a bill of damages. Their sense of
justice would allow its fairness. I had been the dupe of false
intelligence, the victim of a series of frauds perpetrated to "regulate"
the popular feeling. I did not debate the thought, but took my
resolution immediately, and drew up the following.

LA NOTE.

Provisional Government of France.
To DICK TINTO, Correspondent, &c., Dr.
Francs.

To thirty-seven pages foolscap paper, consumed in writing
Review of French situation, &c., upon basis of reported
French victory near Orleans . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2.17

To Forty-three pages foolscap paper, consumed in writing
Review of French situation, &c., upon basis of reported
German victory near Orleans . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2.95

To astonishment and grief occasioned by report that there had
been no battle at all . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 150.00

To landlady's boy with red head, by name PIERRE, for carrying
messages . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1.10

To general wear and tear of nervous system, consequent upon
agitation resulting from uncertainty as to what to believe . 500.00
______

Grand total . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 656.22