th reassuring German news
Of starving Berliners in queues?
The Neutral.

And then, soon after, tells us they
Are feeding nicely all the day
Just in the old familiar way?
The Neutral.

Who sees the KAISER in Berlin
Dejected, haggard, old as sin,
And shaking in his hoary skin?
The Neutral.

Then says he's quite a Sunny Jim,
That buoyant health and youthful vim
Are sticking out all over him?
The Neutral.

Who tells us tales of KRUPP'S new guns
Much larger than the other ones,
And endless trains chockful of Huns?
The Neutral.

And then, when our last hope has fled,
Declares the Huns are either dead
Or hopelessly dispirited?
The Neutral.

In short, who seems to be a blend
Of Balaam's Ass, the bore's godsend
And _Mrs. Gamp's_ elusive friend?
The Neutral.

* * * * *

[Illustration: Humiliation of Jones, who hitherto has been accustomed to
drop off unaided].

* * * * *

HINTS TO MANAGERS.

A new and very popular addition to the comic opera, _Tina_, at the
Adelphi, is a stage representation of "Eve," the writer of "The Letters
of Eve" in _The Tatler_, together with her retinue and her dog.

Here we see Journalism and the Drama more than ever mutually dependent,
and the developments of the idea might be numberless. _Lord Times_, in
_A Kiss for Cinderella_, already illustrates one of them; but why not a
complete play, with favourite newspaper contributors as the _dramatis
personae_? or a revue, to be called, say, _The Tenth Muse_, or _Hullo,
Inky_!

Or, if not a whole play or revue, a scene could be arranged in which the
great scribes processed past. One group might consist of Carmelite
Friars, with "Quex" and "The Rambler," each with a luncheon host on one
arm and a musical-comedy actress on the other; "An Englishman," with his
scourge of knotted cords, on his eternal but honourable quest for a
malefactor; and "Robin Goodfellow," still, in spite of war and official
requests for economy, pointing to the glories of the race-course and
pathetically endeavouring to find winners. These would make an
impressive company--with a good song and dance to finish up with.

_The Referee's_ contribution would obviously be too easy; it would
simply be like a revival of _King Arthur_. The audience, however, would
be in luck when "Dagonet" got really warmed up to tell yet once mo