what of that! Order and harmony seemed to be established in all
we knew; all that had been disconnected seemed to fall into a whole,
to take shape and grow like a building before our eyes, all was full of
light and inspiration everywhere.... Nothing remained meaningless
and undesigned, in everything wise design and beauty seemed apparent,
everything took a clear and yet mystic significance; every isolated
event of life fell into harmony, and with a kind of holy awe and
reverence and sweet emotion we felt ourselves to be, as it were, the
living vessels of eternal truth, her instruments destined for some
great... Doesn't it all seem very ridiculous to you?'

'Not the least!' replied Alexandra Pavlovna slowly; 'why should you
think so? I don't altogether understand you, but I don't think it
ridiculous.'

'We have had time to grow wiser since then, of course,' Lezhnyov
continued, 'all that may seem childish to us now.... But, I repeat, we
all owed a great deal to Rudin then. Pokorsky was incomparably nobler
than he, no question about it; Pokorsky breathed fire and strength into
all of us; but he was often depressed and silent. He was nervous and not
robust; but when he did stretch his wings--good heavens!--what a flight!
up to the very height of the blue heavens! And there was a great deal
of pettiness in Rudin, handsome and stately as he was; he was a gossip,
indeed, and he loved to have a hand in everything, arranging and
explaining everything. His fussy activity was inexhaustible--he was a
diplomatist by nature. I speak of him as I knew him then. But unluckily
he has not altered. On the other hand, his ideals haven't altered at
five-and-thirty! It's not every one who can say that of himself!'

'Sit down,' said Alexandra Pavlovna, 'why do you keep moving about like
a pendulum?'

'I like it better,' answered Lezhnyov. 'Well, after I had come into
Pokorsky's set, I may tell you, Alexandra Pavlovna, I was quite
transformed; I grew humble and anxious to learn; I studied, and was
happy and reverent--in a word, I felt just as though I had entered a
holy temple. And really, when I recall our gatherings, upon my word
there was much that was fine, even touching, in them. Imagine a party of
five or six lads gathered together, one tallow candle burning. The tea
was dreadful stuff, and the cake was stale, very stale; but you should
have seen our faces, you should have heard our talk! Eyes were sparkling
with enthusiasm, cheeks fl