ask her if my suspicions proved to be well
founded. I told myself that she might be the young man's sister, and that
if it were otherwise it would be all the more easy to cure myself of my
passion. A young girl who reasons on love falls into love, especially if
she have no one in whom to confide.

"The pretended lace-seller duly came the next day with a box of lace. I
told her to come into my room, and then speaking to her to force her to
raise her eyes I saw before me the being who exerted such a powerful
influence over me. It was such a shock that I had no strength to ask her
any of the questions I had premeditated. Besides, my maid was in the
room, and the fear of exposing myself operated, I think, almost as
strongly as emotion. I set about choosing some pieces of lace in a
mechanical way, and told my maid to go and fetch my purse. No sooner had
she left the room than the lace-seller fell at my feet and exclaimed
passionately,

"'Give me life or death, madam, for I see you know who I am.'

"'Yes, I do know you, and I think you must have gone mad.'

"'Yes, that may be; but I am mad with love. I adore you.'

"'Rise, for my maid will come back directly.'

"'She is in my secret.'

"'What! you have dared--'

"He got up, and the maid came in and gave him his money with the utmost
coolness. He picked up his lace, made me a profound bow, and departed.

"It would have been natural for me to speak to my maid, and still more
natural if I had dismissed her on the spot. I had no courage to do so,
and my weakness will only astonish those rigorous moralists who know
nothing of a young girl's heart, and do not consider my painful position,
passionately in love and with no one but myself to rely on.

"I did not follow at once the severe dictates of duty; afterwards it was
too late, and I easily consoled myself with the thought that I could
pretend not to be aware that the maid was in the secret. I determined to
dissemble, hoping that I should never see the adventurous lover again,
and that thus all would be as if it had never happened.

"This resolve was really the effect of anger, for a fortnight passed by
without my seeing the young man in the theatre, the public walks, or in
any of the public places he used to frequent, and I became sad and
dreamy, feeling all the time ashamed of my own wanton fancies. I longed
to know his name, which I could only learn from my maid, and it was out
of the question for me to ask Oeiras.