And give ten guineas for a pint of peas.
No tatling servants to my table come,
My Grace is _Silence_, and my waiter _Dumb_.
Queer Country-puts extol Queen _Bess_'s reign,
And of lost hospitality complain.
Say thou that do'st thy father's table praise,
Was there _Mahogena_ in former days?
Oh! could a British Barony be sold!
I would bright honour buy with dazling gold.
Could I the _privilege_ of _Peer_ procure,
The rich I'd bully, and oppress the poor.
To _give_ is wrong, but it is wronger still,
On any terms to _pay_ a tradesman's bill.
I'd make the insolent Mechanicks stay,
And keep my ready money all for _play_.
I'd try if any pleasure could be found,
In _tossing-up_ for twenty thousand pound.
Had I whole Counties, I to _White_'s would go,
And set lands, woods, and rivers, at a throw.
But should I meet with an unlucky run,
And at a throw be gloriously undone;
My _debts of honour_ I'd discharge the first,
Let all my _lawful creditors_ be curst:
My _Title_ would preserve me from arrest,
And seising _hired horses_ is a jest.
I'd walk the mornings with an _oaken stick_,
With gloves and hat, like my own _footman, Dick_.
A footman I wou'd be, in outward show,
In sense, and education, _truly so_.
As for my _head_, it should ambiguous wear
_At once_ a periwig, _and_ its own hair.
My hair I'd powder in the women's way,
And _dress_, and _talk of dressing_, more than they.
I'll please the maids of honour, if I can;
Without black-velvet-britches, what is man?
I will my skill in _button-holes_ display,
And brag how oft I shift me ev'ry day.
Shall I wear cloaths, in _awkward England_ made?
And sweat in cloth, to help the _woollen trade_?
In _French_ embroid'ry and in _Flanders_ lace
I'll spend the income of a treasurer's place.
_Deard_'s bill for baubles shall to thousands mount,
And I'd out-di'mond ev'n the _Di'mond Count_.
I would convince the world by taudry cloa's,
That _Belles_ are less effeminate than beaux,
And Doctor _Lamb_ should pare my Lordship's toes.
To boon companions I my time would give,
With players, pimps, and parasites I'd live.
I would with _Jockeys_ from _Newmarket_ dine,
And to _Rough-riders_ give my choicest wine.
I would caress some _Stableman_ of note,
And imitate his language, and his _coat_.
My ev'nings all I would with _sharpers_ spend,
And make the _Thief-catcher_ my bosom friend.