y f'r th' lungs. 'Tis a good game
to play in a hammick whin ye're all tired out fr'm social duties or
shovellin' coke. Out-iv-dure golf is played be th' followin' rules. If
ye bring ye'er wife f'r to see th' game, an' she has her name in th'
paper, that counts ye wan. So th' first thing ye do is to find th'
raypoorter, an' tell him ye're there. Thin ye ordher a bottle iv brown
pop, an' have ye'er second fan ye with a towel. Afther this ye'd dhress,
an' here ye've got to be dam particklar or ye'll be stuck f'r th'
dhrinks. If ye'er necktie is not on sthraight, that counts ye'er
opponent wan. If both ye an' ye'er opponent have ye'er neckties on
crooked, th' first man that sees it gets th' stakes. Thin ye ordher a
carredge"--

"Order what?" demanded Mr. McKenna.

"A carredge."

"What for?"

"F'r to take ye 'round th' links. Ye have a little boy followin' ye,
carryin' ye'er clubs. Th' man that has th' smallest little boy it counts
him two. If th' little boy has th' rickets, it counts th' man in th'
carredge three. The little boys is called caddies; but Clarence Heaney
that tol' me all this--he belongs to th' Foorth Wa-ard Goluf an'
McKinley Club--said what th' little boys calls th' players'd not be fit
f'r to repeat.

"Well, whin ye dhrive up to th' tea grounds"--

"Th' what?" demanded Mr. Hennessy.

"Th' tea grounds, that's like th' homeplate in base-ball or ordherin' a
piece iv chalk in a game iv spoil five. Its th' beginnin' iv ivrything.
Whin ye get to th' tea grounds, ye step out, an' have ye're hat irned be
th' caddie. Thin ye'er man that ye're goin' aginst comes up, an' he asks
ye, 'Do you know Potther Pammer?' Well, if ye don't know Potther Pammer,
it's all up with ye: ye lose two points. But ye come right back at him
with an' upper cut: 'Do ye live on th' Lake Shore dhrive?' If he
doesn't, ye have him in th' nine hole. Ye needn't play with him anny
more. But, if ye do play with him, he has to spot three balls. If he's a
good man an' shifty on his feet, he'll counter be askin' ye where ye
spend th' summer. Now ye can't tell him that ye spent th' summer with
wan hook on th' free lunch an' another on th' ticker tape, an' so ye go
back three. That needn't discourage ye at all, at all. Here's yer chance
to mix up, an' ye ask him if he was iver in Scotland. If he wasn't, it
counts ye five. Thin ye tell him that ye had an aunt wanst that heerd
th' Jook iv Argyle talk in a phonograph; an' onless he comes back an'