"I know that some people can conceal their obnoxious qualities and show
only the sweet and lovely side of themselves. I sometimes like to see
the reverse side of the medal, and I expected Terry, as a student of
humanity and an anarchist, to welcome any phase of character which might
enable him to understand me more completely.

"I must hesitate in attributing Terry's attitude to jealousy, for I have
had some affairs before, and he never seemed to care about them in the
least; indeed, I often felt piqued, and thought he did not mind because
he did not care about me enough. The following two weeks were, I can
truly say, the most infernal and awful that ever happened to me, and I
wished thousands of times that I might die, and I did come very close to
it. I cannot describe that hellish time or give you any idea of Terry's
conduct during those weeks. He was no longer the calm, philosophical
Terry that you know, but the most terribly cruel thing the mind of man
can conceive.

"Now, I know these are strong words, and I don't know if you can imagine
Terry that way, or if you can believe me when I say it is so. I have
thought of it so many times, and I have come to the conclusion that
perhaps while I was away, he and Harris had a great debauch together and
that Terry must have taken some dope which unbalanced him for a while."

I do not think it needs "dope" to explain Terry's conduct. Marie,
perhaps, could not understand the possible cruelty of a disappointed
idealist. When Terry began to see that neither the anarchists nor Marie
would ultimately fit into his scheme of things, when his idealistic hope
began to break against the hard rocks of reality, he was capable, in his
despair, of any hard, desperate, and cruel act.

Marie continued:

"During this awful time I did not blame Terry, dope or no dope. I
considered it all coming to me, and even wished it would keep on coming
until it killed. But I made up my mind right then and there that if it
was fated that I should keep in the game, there should be no more
'affairs' for me. And so help me God I have not had any from that
time--six months ago--till the day Terry left me. And that other man's
name has not once passed my lips in Terry's presence, and when it was
mentioned by others when he and I were there, I grew dizzy and sick.

"In time, these dreadful things were thought of as little as might be,
and Terry and I became excellent, though platonic friends, a novel and
f