spiritual
life; hence the physiological jealousy, which he had not felt, or had
controlled at one time, showed itself. No doubt his increasing
nervousness was an added reason--nervousness due to the long strain,
physical and mental, which his life and social experiment had involved.

During these last weeks Marie had another lover, and was especially
careless in not concealing any of its manifestations. She, too, on her
side, was subject to greater and greater strain. Terry's growing
loneliness and austerity, his melancholy and unsociability, his negative
philosophy, all this tended more and more to inhibit her natural young
joy in life and to give it violent expression. The philosophy of
anarchism had increased her natural leaning to the free expression of
her moods and passions, and now, with weakened nervous resources, she
hardly cared to make any effort to restrain what she called her
temperament.

"Yes, he became my lover," she wrote, "and we disappeared for a few
days. Did you ever read George Moore's Leaves From My Lost Life? In it
is a story called 'The Lovers of Orelay.' My lover and I spent our few
days together in much the same way as did the lovers in the story. We
had our nice secluded cool rooms and beautiful flowers. I threw my
petticoats over the chairs and scattered ribbons and things on the
dressing table just like the girl in the story. And we had nice things
to drink and good cigarettes, and had all our breakfasts and suppers
served in our rooms. The little adventure turned out better than such
things usually do; nothing awkward happened to mar our pleasure in any
way, and I'm glad it happened--and is over and done with.

"You may think me a very light-headed and heartless and altogether
frivolous person from my actions. But I felt so humiliated and so sorry
and so desperate about Terry that I was ready to embrace any excitement,
just to forget that our great relation had gone. This time it was to get
away from myself, not in the old physically joyous mood--and to get away
from Terry's poisonous philosophy of life.

"This lover of mine was so joyous, so healthy, so vigorous, so full of
life! He was very different from Terry, and I really needed him as a
kind of tonic. And yet, of course, I did not care for him deeply at all.
In fact, I want never again to have a deep relation to anybody, if this
between Terry and me must go.

"This profound failure has made me reckless; Terry is sensitive now,