that time, perhaps because I was
so much occupied with Terry, my own lover, and with the movement, which
was new to me and very charming, for I had just discovered it.

"At times I had an immense pity for the poor boy and would have done
anything to help him feel better. I had not the slightest physical
feeling for him, but I should have been quite willing to indulge him, if
he had asked me. That was part of our philosophy and my kindness. But he
did not ask me, though he often had the opportunity. He was quite
content to be with me and kiss my hands, and beg me to love him a
little. When he saw I did not like to have him kiss me so much, he would
grow so sad and forlorn and tiresome. One day he was at the Salon with
others and annoyed me by hanging about me all the time, until I couldn't
stand it any longer. I called him into another room and told him bluntly
that I would indulge him, if that would help him, only he must for
heaven's sake leave me alone!

"Now, this was a most indelicate thing for me to do, and I blush as I
write of it, but I was so desperate and possibly a little under the
influence of whiskey--a most convenient and universal excuse--and had
tried all other means of ridding myself of this annoyance, even to
slapping his face and forbidding him to come to the house! When I
slapped him, he simply kissed the hand that smote him, and when I
forbade him to return to the house, he followed me about the streets.
If I told you all the silly and ridiculous things the youth did or all
the mean, brutal things I did to cure him, you would scarcely believe
me.

"Now when I made that abrupt proposal to him, he blushed to the tip of
his ears, and then grew very angry, and called me an animal and a beast
and said he had loved me because he thought I was different from that;
that he did not want that kind of love from me. After a while his
vehemence and anger turned to tears, and he kissed my hands and sobbed
out his intention of going away. I was repentant and very sweet and kind
to him while he stayed, but soon he did go West and I did not see him
again till a few weeks ago, when, one Saturday night, I found him
waiting for me at our rooms. I was astonished and not too glad to see
him, especially now that Terry is so sensitive.

"When Terry came home, he looked suspiciously at me and at the poor
Swiss, but though I was quite innocent, I could not turn the poor fellow
away, after he had come so far to see me. But