to give this loyalty personal scruples must be set aside. I could not
but apply this doctrine to my own state of mind. London asked me to
play the game, and I was not playing it. It was impossible to put
heart into a kind of life which I inwardly detested. I did my day's
work with a mind divided; and, although no one could accuse me of
wilful negligence, yet a child could see that my work missed that
quality of entire efficiency which makes for success. I might count
myself much superior to men like Arrowsmith by the possession of
superior sentiments, yet, in the long run, my sentiment debilitated me,
and his destitution of sentiment was a source of power to him in the
kind of work we both had to do. To the man who detests the nature of
his employment as I detested mine, I would say at once, either conquer
your detestation or change your work. Work that is not genuinely loved
cannot possibly be done well. It is no use chafing and fretting and
wishing that you lived in the country, if you know perfectly well that
you have not the least intention of living anywhere but in the town.
If it is town life you are really bent upon, the sooner rustic
instincts are uprooted the better for you. London can prove herself a
complaisant mistress to those who desire no other, but she will give
nothing to those who flout her in their hearts. In plain words there
is no middle course between accepting the yoke or finally rejecting it;
either course may be justified, but it is the silliest folly to accept
with complacency a yoke which you mean to shake off the moment you have
courage or opportunity to revolt. London marks such dissemblers with
an angry eye, as captains mark reluctant soldiers; and if time holds no
disgrace for them it will certainly bring them no advancement.

Were my fine theories composed of mere fluid sentiment, or had they
some more consistent element in them which was capable of hardening
into invincible conviction? That was my problem. It was debated in
season and out of season. Gradually the two dominant factors in the
problem became evident; they were health and economics.

There could be no question about health. It was true that I had
suffered from no serious illness in my life, but London kept me in a
normal state of low vitality. I had constant headaches, fits of
depression, and minor physical derangements. I rarely knew what it was
to wake in the morning with that clear joyousness of spirit wh