about town; calls this Lord "Jimmy," 'tother Chess, a
third Dolly, and thinks he knows them; keeps an expensive mistress,
because "Jimmy" and Chess are supposed to do the same, and when he is
out of the way, his mistress has some of the fast fellows to supper, at
the heavy swell's expense. He settles the point whether claret is to be
drank from a jug or black bottle, and retails the merits of a _plateau_
or _epergne_ he saw, when last he dined with a "fellow" in Belgrave
Square.

The _Foreigneering_ Heavy Swell has much more spirit, talent, and
manner, than the home-grown article; but he is poor in a like ratio, and
is therefore obliged to feather his nest by denuding the pigeon tribe of
their metallic plumage. He is familiarly known to all the fast fellows,
who _cut_ him, however, as soon as they marry, but is not accounted good
_ton_ by heads of families. He is liked at the Hells and Clubs, where he
has a knack of distinguishing himself without presumption or
affectation. He is a dresser by right divine, and dresses ridiculously.
The fashionable fellows affect loudly to applaud his taste, and laugh to
see the vulgar imitate the foreigneering swell. He is the idol of
equivocal women, and condescends to patronize unpresentable
gentility-mongers. He is not unhappy at heart, like the indigenous heavy
swell, but enjoys his intimacy with the fast fellows, and uses it.

There is an infallible test we should advise you to apply, whenever you
are bored to desperation by any of these heavy swells. When he talks of
"my friend, the Duke of Bayswater," ask him, in a quiet tone, where he
last met the _Duchess_. If he says Hyde-Park (meaning the Earl of) is
an honest good fellow, enquire whether he prefers Lady Mary or Lady
Seraphina Serpentine. This drops him like a shot--he can't get over it.

It is a rule in good society that you know the set only when you know
the women of that set; however you may work your way among the men,
whatever you may do at the Hells and Clubs, goes for nothing--the
_women_ stamp you counterfeit or current, and--

"Not to know _them_, argues yourself unknown."

* * * * *

EYRE'S CABUL.

The Military Operations at Cabul, which ended in the Retreat
and Destruction of the British Army, January 1842; with a
Journal of Imprisonment in Affghanistan. By Lieutenant Vincent
Eyre, Bengal Artillery, late Deputy-Commissary of Ordnance at
C