or which it is difficult to account, except upon the
principle that men there attend too closely to the mathematics; these,
as every body knows, are in their essence inimical to the higher
departments of the fine arts. There is no reason, however, why in this
important branch of learning, which, as we may say, comes home to the
bosom of every man, one Alma Mater should surpass another; since at both
the intellects of men are almost exclusively occupied for years in tying
their abominable white chokers, so as to look as like tavern waiters as
possible.

Another thing: if a gentleman sticks a pin in his choker, you may be
sure it has not a head as big as a potatoe, and is not a sort of Siamese
Twin pin, connected by a bit of chain, or an imitation precious stone,
or Mosaic gold concern. If he wears studs, they are plain, and have cost
not less at the least than five guineas the set. Neither does he ever
make a High Sheriff of himself, with chains dangling over the front of
his waistcoat, or little pistols, seals, or trinketry appearing below
his waistband, as much as to say, "_if you only knew what a watch I have
inside_!" Nor does he sport trumpery rings upon raw-boned fingers; if he
wears rings, you may depend upon it that they are of value, that they
are sparingly distributed, and that his hand is not a paw.

A man of fashion never wears Woodstock gloves, or gloves with double
stitches, or eighteen-penny imitation French kids: his gloves, like
himself and every thing about him, are the real thing. Dressy young men
of fashion sport primrose kids in the forenoon; and, although they take
care to avoid the appearance of snobbery by never wearing the same pair
a second day, yet, after all, primrose kids in the forenoon are not the
thing, not in keeping, not quiet enough: we therefore denounce primrose
kids, and desire to see no more of them.

If you are unfortunate enough to be acquainted with a snob, you need not
put yourself to the unnecessary expense of purchasing an almanac for the
ensuing year: your friend the snob will answer that useful purpose
completely to your satisfaction. For example, on Thursdays and Sundays
he shaves and puts on a clean shirt, which he exhibits as freely as
possible in honour of the event: Mondays and Fridays you will know by
the vegetating bristles of his chin, and the disappearance of the shirt
cuffs and collar. These are replaced on Tuesdays and Saturdays by
supplementary collar and cuffs