ould rather
say the first phase of his treble dream, began. He dreamt that he
called the company to attention, caused them to slope arms, and moved
them to the right in fours.

So far so good.

Now they were in columns of fours and marching gaily.

"This is a good dream," thought Herbert. "I will get them into line.
On the right, form company!" he shouted at the top of his voice.

He had done it. He had got the rear rank in front, and this is
a terrible state of affairs, leading to the most frightful
complications--at any rate in the Lastshire Volunteers.

"Move to the right in fours!" he commanded; and then the trouble
began.

In less than half a minute, forty deserving men, including N.C.O.'s,
were tied up into a series of terrifically complicated knots, in the
midst of which the Company Sergeant-Major bobbed about, an angry cork
on a stormy ocean of desperate men.

"Very good, Mr. Herbert, oh, very good indeed," said the Inspecting
Officer.

At this point Herbert passed into his second phase and dreamed that
it was all a dream.

But the question remained: what was he to do?

"Double!" he shouted, and himself gave the example. And as he ran he
passed into his third phase and dreamed it was all true; and he woke
up with a start at the orderly room, and found that it _was_ true.

That very evening he resigned his commission, "owing," as he wrote,
"to an incurable habit of getting the rear rank in front."

What happened to the men I cannot say with certainty. I think they are
still struggling.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Physical Exercise Instructor_. "'ERE, YOU! WHAT THE
DEUCE ARE YOU LARFING AT?"

_Recruit_. "OH, SERGEANT, I--I WAS THINKING WHAT PRICELESS BALLY ASSES
WE MUST LOOK!"]

* * * * *

MEDITATIONS OF MARCUS O'REILLY.

ON THE DANGER OF POPULARITY.

_The Ballybun Binnacle_ has ceased publication--I hope temporarily,
for I have had to fall back on _The Times_. The latter is the better
paper for wrapping things in, and they seem to use a good kind of ink
which does not come off on the butter, but it's a bit weak on its
advertising side. It was O'Mullins across the road who pointed this
out to me first. He had, he says, an advertisement a whole week in
_The Times_ for a total abstainer to make himself otherwise useful and
to mend his stable door; but no apparent notice was taken of it. The
same advertisement had not been a coup