fore we left. She was all anxiety about Louise,
for I would say nothing. "You will never see me here again," said she,
"nor have me again, and may do with Louise what you like, I shan't be
here, you will throw her on the town". Then she veiled closely, and made
me go out first. I waited at the top of the street ten minutes, out she
came, veil down, and shot off in the direction of G..d.n sq..e like an
arrow.

I now with perversity longed for Camille, instead of Louise, but never
had her afterwards, never sent my tallow up her, although I tried once
or twice.

I began going about elsewhere, sleeping with Louise at times; but she
was always pestering me about being in the family way, which annoyed
me; and wanted such a lot of ballocking, that that annoyed me also. My
cousin Fred wanted me to go to Paris with him, Louise said I was going
to forsake her. One night after dining with her, coming out we met my
cousin Fred, nothing put him off, and he would walk with us. The next
day he said in his old unchaste way, which some years in India had not
improved, "So that is the woman your mother says she fears has got hold
of you." It was the first time I had heard, that my mother had any such
suspicion, for although she had spoken to me about my wildness, she had
never referred to a woman; but she had told my aunt, who told my cousin
my mother was awfully astonished. For that six years I had shagged all
our servants under her very nose, yet she had not the faintest suspicion
of it, my pranks now coming to her ears, shocked her extremely. I told
Fred, that I had had Louise's first, to which he replied, that he should
like to rattle his stones against her arse. "Is she a good fuck? where
does she live?" I did not mean his stones to knock against her arse as
long as mine did, I replied, "Oh! you are fond of her then?" "No, but
I preferred her to myself." "Lord, what does it matter?" said he, "white
women are scarce in India, there was one that all in my regiment were
fond of, there was not an officer who did not stroke her, none of us
minded; we say 'the more a cunt's buttered, the better it grinds.'" I did
not see it in that light, so with the remark from him, that she was a
damned fine piece, we parted.

Two or three days afterwards he spoke of her again, said he knew where
she lived, so I thought he was hunting after her which annoyed me; not
seeing that if he had got into her, I could have left her with good
excuse.

I had