alued his esteem,
the greater would my suffering be at knowing that I had forfeited it. I
acquainted my father with my resolution, alleging the best excuses I
could make. He was at first angry with my inconstancy, charged me with
capriciousness and want of honour; but at last was pacified by my
assuring him I would never marry any man. As he had been sorry to part
with me, the thought of my continuing with him as long as he lived, made
my peace.

'Lord Peyton's impatience at being detained in Ireland increased with
his desire of persuading me to relinquish a design so very grievous to
my own heart, as well as to his; but he could not obtain leave to return
into England before I found, to my inexpressible terror, that the
misfortune I so sincerely lamented would have consequences that I little
expected. In the agony of my mind I communicated my distress to Lord
Peyton, the only person whom I dared trust with so important a secret.

'Instead of condoling with me on the subject of my affliction, he
expressed no small joy in a circumstance which he said must reduce me to
accept the only means of preserving my reputation; and added, that as
every delay was now of so much importance, if the next packet did not
bring him leave of absence, he should set out without it; and rather run
the hazard of being called to account for disobedience, than of exposing
me to one painful blush.

'I confess his delicacy charmed me; every letter I received increased my
esteem and affection for him, but nothing could alter my purpose. I
looked upon the execution of it as the only means of reinstating myself
in his good opinion, or my own, in comparison of which even reputation
seemed to lose its value. But severe was the trial I had to undergo upon
his return into England, which was in a few days after his assurance of
coming at any hazard. He used every means that the tenderest affection
and the nicest honour could suggest to persuade me to marry him; and
the conflict in my own heart very near reduced me to my grave; till at
length pitying the condition into which I was reduced, without the least
approach to a change of purpose, he promised to spare me any further
solicitation and to bury his affliction in silence; after obtaining a
promise from me that I would suffer him to contrive the means for
concealing an event which must soon happen; as my unintriguing spirit
made me very incapable of managing it with tolerable art and secrecy.

'Lor