uppose we passed it entirely together. The concern we
were both under made us wish to avoid being seen by others, and
therefore I was denied to all visitors. Lord Peyton dined and supped
with me; and by thus appropriating the day to the ceremony of taking
leave, we rendered the approaching separation more afflicting than in
reason it ought to have been, and indeed made it a lasting affliction; a
grief never to be washed away.

'Lord Peyton left London at the appointed hour, but the next days, and
almost every succeeding post, brought me the tenderest expressions of
regret for this enforced absence, and the strongest assurances of the
constancy of his affection. Mine could not with truth be written in a
more indifferent strain, my love was the same, but my purpose was much
altered; as soon as I had calmness of mind enough to reflect on what had
passed, I resolved never to be Lord Peyton's wife. I saw my own
misconduct in all its true colours. I despised myself, and could not
hope for more partial treatment from my husband. A lover might in the
height of his passion excuse my frailty, but when matrimony, and
continued possession had restored him to his reason, I was sensible he
must think of me as I was conscious I deserved. What confidence, what
esteem could I hope from a husband who so well knew my weakness; or how
could I support being hourly exposed to the sight of a man whose eyes
would always seem to reproach me! I could scarcely bear to see myself;
and I was determined not to depend on any one who was equally conscious
of my guilt.

'I soon acquainted Lord Peyton with this resolution, which he combated
with every argument love could dictate. He assured me in the most solemn
manner of his entire esteem, insisted that he only was to blame, and
that he should never forgive himself for the uneasiness he had already
occasioned me; but intreated me not to punish him so severely as ever
again to give the least intimation of a design not to confirm our
marriage. As I resisted my own passion, it may be supposed that,
although too late, I was able to resist his. I saw that a generous man
must act as he did, but no generosity could restore me to the same place
in his esteem I before possessed. His behaviour on this occasion fixed
my good opinion of him, but could not restore my opinion of myself. All
he could urge therefore was unavailing; the stronger my affection, the
more determined I was in my purpose; since the more I v