d to
'require a master;' which means that when he happens to be not at home
they neglect everything. A friend of mine who happened to take a week's
holiday, alone, discovered on his return that his family might almost
as well have had no servant at all as the man he left with them; he was
generally out, and when at home had not even troubled himself to answer
the drawing-room bell. Some men-servants are always running out; they
have 'just stepped round the corner,' they say, 'to post a letter;'
which in nine cases out of ten means to have a dram at the
public-house. The servants who 'require a master' sometimes retain
their situation with a very selfish one by devoting themselves to his
service at the expense of the rest of the family. 'John suits me very
well,' he says, 'and thoroughly understands his duties,' which in this
case means the length of the master's foot.

On the other hand, there are some men-servants who, one would think,
ought to belong to the other sex, so utterly ignorant they are of that
branch of their duty which they call 'valeting.' A lady blessed with a
scientific husband, who certainly did not take much notice whether he
was 'valeted' or not, once complained to his man of his neglect in this
particular. 'When your master comes in, William, you should look after
him, and see to his hat and coat, and pay him little attentions.' So
the next time the man of science came in he was not a little surprised
by William (who, it is fair to say, came from the country) running up
and taking his hat off his head, like some highly-trained retriever.
Happy the master to whom a worse thing has never happened at the hands
of his retainer!

The main thing to be dreaded in men-servants--next to downright
dishonesty--is, of course, intoxication. If a man has been long in
one's service and gets drunk for once and away, it may well be forgiven
him; but when your new servant gets drunk, wait till he is sober enough
to receive his wages, and then dismiss him--if you can. Not long ago I
had occasion to discharge a butler for habitual intoxication; he was
never quite drunk, but also never quite sober; he was a sot. I made him
fetch a cab, and saw his luggage put upon it, and I tendered him his
month's wages. But he refused to leave the house without board wages.
Of course, I declined to pay him any such thing; and, as he persisted
in leaning against the dining-room door murmuring at intervals, 'I
wants my board wages,' I