n, and this time he struck a most dazzling
idea--he fixed the thing so that opening the kitchen door would take
off the alarm. It was a noble idea, and he charged accordingly. But
you already foresee the result. I switched on the alarm every night at
bed-time, no longer trusting on Thomas's frail memory; and as soon as
the lights were out the burglars walked in at the kitchen door, thus
taking the alarm off without waiting for the cook to do it in the
morning. You see how aggravatingly we were situated. For months we
couldn't have any company. Not a spare bed in the house; all occupied by
burglars.

"Finally, I got up a cure of my own. The expert answered the call, and
ran another ground wire to the stable, and established a switch there,
so that the coachman could put on and take off the alarm. That worked
first rate, and a season of peace ensued, during which we got to
inviting company once more and enjoying life.

"But by and by the irrepressible alarm invented a new kink. One winter's
night we were flung out of bed by the sudden music of that awful gong,
and when we hobbled to the annunciator, turned up the gas, and saw the
word 'Nursery' exposed, Mrs. McWilliams fainted dead away, and I came
precious near doing the same thing myself. I seized my shotgun, and
stood timing the coachman whilst that appalling buzzing went on. I knew
that his gong had flung him out, too, and that he would be along with
his gun as soon as he could jump into his clothes. When I judged that
the time was ripe, I crept to the room next the nursery, glanced through
the window, and saw the dim outline of the coachman in the yard below,
standing at present-arms and waiting for a chance. Then I hopped into
the nursery and fired, and in the same instant the coachman fired at the
red flash of my gun. Both of us were successful; I crippled a nurse, and
he shot off all my back hair. We turned up the gas, and telephoned for
a surgeon. There was not a sign of a burglar, and no window had been
raised. One glass was absent, but that was where the coachman's charge
had come through. Here was a fine mystery--a burglar alarm 'going off'
at midnight of its own accord, and not a burglar in the neighborhood!

"The expert answered the usual call, and explained that it was a 'False
alarm.' Said it was easily fixed. So he overhauled the nursery window,
charged a remunerative figure for it, and departed.

"What we suffered from false alarms for the next three