e the music. For twenty-five years the Smiths and Cooney Simpson,
who plays first clarionet, have been at swords' points, each with a
faction behind him. Cooney says it's a shame that a good band must limp
along with a cornetist who always takes three strikes to hit a high
note, and Ed Smith says Cooney wants to be leader and will not be
satisfied until he can play the solo and bass parts at once on his
clarionet. I can see Ed Smith now, after the band has run aground in
practice, taking his horn down and glaring around at Cooney.

"What you gobstick players need is a time-table," says he, "instead of
notes. Come in on the A about eight-fifteen. If you can do that well,
we'll try to struggle along."

"Don't get forte," Cooney replies cheerfully. "If you'd try to follow
both those cornets instead of rambling along by yourself, you'd split,
sure."

"Better play cornet, too, Cooney," says Ad Smith, whirling around.
"You've got enough mouth for both."

"Well, we ought to have a cornetist," says Cooney, "it's what we've
needed for years."

This riles the scrub cornet player, whoever he happens to be, and he
gets up excitedly. "We'd get along a lot better without one or two human
calliopes--" he begins.

"Set down, set down," says old Dobbs from the coils of his tuba. "Let
'em fight. They know it all between pieces--"

"Who asked you to horn in?" says Ed Smith, getting up preparatory to
going home with his baritone horn and leaving a broken and forlorn world
to grieve his loss.

Of course this is a crisis. But we never bust up. The Paynesville Band
busts up about twice a year over the division of profits and the color
of their new uniforms and the old question of whether the cornets or
trombones shall march in front. But we never go entirely to pieces. This
is largely because of Sam Green. He is our peacemaker and most faithful
player. He has played second alto in the band for thirty-five years
without a promotion, and is by all odds the worst player I ever saw,
being only entirely at home in the key of C; and he can't play
three-four time to save his soul. But his devotion is marvelous. He is
always the first man down to practice. He lights the lamps, builds the
fires, and when necessary goes out to Ed Smith's home and persuades him
to come back into the band for just this night. And whenever the dispute
between the factions gets to the point where Ed Smith begins gathering
up his doll things, Sam interferes.

"C