that--'

'What?'

'Mrs. Porter is alluding to the play, my dear,' said Mrs. Gattleton; 'she
was, I am sorry to say, just informing me that--'

'Oh, now pray don't mention it,' interrupted Mrs. Porter; 'it's most
absurd--quite as absurd as young What's-his-name saying he wondered how
Miss Caroline, with such a foot and ankle, could have the vanity to play
_Fenella_.'

'Highly impertinent, whoever said it,' said Mrs. Gattleton, bridling up.

'Certainly, my dear,' chimed in the delighted Mrs. Porter; 'most
undoubtedly! Because, as I said, if Miss Caroline _does_ play _Fenella_,
it doesn't follow, as a matter of course, that she should think she has a
pretty foot;--and then--such puppies as these young men are--he had the
impudence to say, that--'

How far the amiable Mrs. Porter might have succeeded in her pleasant
purpose, it is impossible to say, had not the entrance of Mr. Thomas
Balderstone, Mrs. Gattleton's brother, familiarly called in the family
'Uncle Tom,' changed the course of conversation, and suggested to her
mind an excellent plan of operation on the evening of the play.

Uncle Tom was very rich, and exceedingly fond of his nephews and nieces:
as a matter of course, therefore, he was an object of great importance in
his own family. He was one of the best-hearted men in existence: always
in a good temper, and always talking. It was his boast that he wore
top-boots on all occasions, and had never worn a black silk neckerchief;
and it was his pride that he remembered all the principal plays of
Shakspeare from beginning to end--and so he did. The result of this
parrot-like accomplishment was, that he was not only perpetually quoting
himself, but that he could never sit by, and hear a misquotation from the
'Swan of Avon' without setting the unfortunate delinquent right. He was
also something of a wag; never missed an opportunity of saying what he
considered a good thing, and invariably laughed until he cried at
anything that appeared to him mirth-moving or ridiculous.

'Well, girls!' said Uncle Tom, after the preparatory ceremony of kissing
and how-d'ye-do-ing had been gone through--'how d'ye get on? Know your
parts, eh?--Lucina, my dear, act II., scene I--place, left-cue--"Unknown
fate,"--What's next, eh?--Go on--"The Heavens--"'

'Oh, yes,' said Miss Lucina, 'I recollect--

"The heavens forbid
But that our loves and comforts should increase
Even as our days do grow!"'