with his
respected relative one morning.

'I cannot, indeed I cannot,' returned Dumps.

'Well, but why not? Jemima will think it very unkind. It's very little
trouble.'

'As to the trouble,' rejoined the most unhappy man in existence, 'I don't
mind that; but my nerves are in that state--I cannot go through the
ceremony. You know I don't like going out.--For God's sake, Charles,
don't fidget with that stool so; you'll drive me mad.' Mr. Kitterbell,
quite regardless of his uncle's nerves, had occupied himself for some ten
minutes in describing a circle on the floor with one leg of the
office-stool on which he was seated, keeping the other three up in the
air, and holding fast on by the desk.

'I beg your pardon, uncle,' said Kitterbell, quite abashed, suddenly
releasing his hold of the desk, and bringing the three wandering legs
back to the floor, with a force sufficient to drive them through it.

'But come, don't refuse. If it's a boy, you know, we must have two
godfathers.'

'_If_ it's a boy!' said Dumps; 'why can't you say at once whether it _is_
a boy or not?'

'I should be very happy to tell you, but it's impossible I can undertake
to say whether it's a girl or a boy, if the child isn't born yet.'

'Not born yet!' echoed Dumps, with a gleam of hope lighting up his
lugubrious visage. 'Oh, well, it _may_ be a girl, and then you won't
want me; or if it is a boy, it _may_ die before it is christened.'

'I hope not,' said the father that expected to be, looking very grave.

'I hope not,' acquiesced Dumps, evidently pleased with the subject. He
was beginning to get happy. 'I hope not, but distressing cases
frequently occur during the first two or three days of a child's life;
fits, I am told, are exceedingly common, and alarming convulsions are
almost matters of course.'

'Lord, uncle!' ejaculated little Kitterbell, gasping for breath.

'Yes; my landlady was confined--let me see--last Tuesday: an uncommonly
fine boy. On the Thursday night the nurse was sitting with him upon her
knee before the fire, and he was as well as possible. Suddenly he became
black in the face, and alarmingly spasmodic. The medical man was
instantly sent for, and every remedy was tried, but--'

'How frightful!' interrupted the horror-stricken Kitterbell.

'The child died, of course. However, your child _may_ not die; and if it
should be a boy, and should _live_ to be christened, why I suppose I must
be one of the sponsor