d white black, and confessed, and denied! Please don't think of
it! God be praised, those days are over! Not but what I edified Mr.
Combe greatly once, when I was a girl, by declaring that if, by behaving
well under torture, I could have vexed my tormentors very much, and if I
might have had plenty of people to see how well I behaved, I thought I
could have managed it; to which he replied, "Oh, weel now, Fanny, ye've
just got the very spirit of a martyr in you." See if that theory of the
matter answers your notion....

You ask me how I managed about diamonds to go to Court in. I hired a
set, which I also wore at the _fete_ at Apsley House; they were only a
necklace and earrings, which I wore as a bandeau, stitched on scarlet
velvet, and as drops in the middle of scarlet velvet bows in my hair,
and my dress being white satin and point lace, trimmed with white Roman
pearls, it all looked nice enough. The value of the jewels was only
L700, but I am sure they gave me L7000 worth of misery; and if her
Majesty had but known the anguish I endured in showing my respect for
her by false appearances, the very least she could have done would have
been to have bought the jewels and given them to me. Madame Devy made my
Court dress, which was of such material as, you see, I can use when I
play "The Hunchback" at Lady Francis's. I am ruining myself, in spite of
my best endeavors to be economical; but if it is any comfort for you to
know it, my conscience torments me horribly for it....

God bless you. Good-bye, dear.

Ever yours affectionately,
F. A. B.

HARLEY STREET, Saturday, May 7th, 1842.

... What an immense long talk I am having with you this morning, my dear
Hal! I do not believe you are wearied, however; but you will surely
wonder why I did not put all these letters under one cover with the
three sovereign heads on the one packet; and I am sure I don't know why
I have not. But it doesn't matter much my appearing a little more or a
little less absurd to you.

You ask who I shall associate with while ---- and Adelaide are away....
I presume with my own writing-table and the carriage cushions, just as I
do now, just as I did before, and just as I am likely to do
hereafter....

It was not the presence of the Queen that affected my nerves at the
Drawing-room, but _my own_ presence, _i.e._, as the F