PENDULOUS
Do you call my case so common, then?

DAVENPORT
What case?

PENDULOUS
You have not heard, then?

DAVENPORT
Positively not a word.

PENDULOUS
You must know I have been--(_whispers_)--tried for a felony since then.

DAVENPORT
Nonsense!

PENDULOUS
No subject for mirth, Mr. Davenport. A confounded short-sighted fellow
swore that I stopt him, and robbed him, on the York race-ground at nine
on a fine moonlight evening, when I was two hundred miles off in
Dorsetshire. These hands have been held up at a common bar.

DAVENPORT
Ridiculous! it could not have gone so far.

PENDULOUS
A great deal farther, I assure you, Mr. Davenport. I am ashamed to say
how far it went. You must know, that in the first shock and surprise of
the accusation, shame--you know I was always susceptible--shame put me
upon disguising my _name_, that, at all events, it might bring no
disgrace upon my family. I called myself _James Thomson_.

DAVENPORT
For heaven's sake, compose yourself.

PENDULOUS
I will. An old family ours, Mr. Davenport--never had a blot upon it till
now--a family famous for the jealousy of its honour for many
generations--think of that, Mr. Davenport--that felt a stain like a
wound--

DAVENPORT
Be calm, my dear friend.

PENDULOUS
This served the purpose of a temporary concealment well enough; but when
it came to the--_alibi_--I think they call it--excuse these technical
terms, they are hardly fit for the mouth of a gentleman, the
_witnesses_--that is another term--that I had sent for up from Melcombe
Regis, and relied upon for clearing up my character, by disclosing my
real name, _John Pendulous_--so discredited the cause which they came to
serve, that it had quite a contrary effect to what was intended. In
short, the usual forms passed, and you behold me here the miserablest of
mankind.

DAVENPORT
(_Aside_). He must be light-headed.

PENDULOUS
Not at all, Mr. Davenport. I hear what you say, though you speak it all
on one side, as they do at the playhouse.

DAVENPORT
The sentence could never have been carried into--pshaw!--you are
joking--the truth must have come out at last.

PENDULOUS
So it did, Mr. Davenport--just two minutes and a second too late by the
Sheriff's stop-watch. Time enough to save my life--my wretched life--but
an age too late for my honour. Pray, change the subject--the detail must
be as offensive to you.

DAVENPORT
With all my heart, to a more pleasing theme. The lovely