best
horse in the battery.

The Major's batman devoted the following day to the construction of
a species of retiring-room at one end of the hut, wherein the modest
members of the mess might bathe and splash at ease. The remainder of
the servants went out armed and returned with (1) a zinc bath, (2)
a stove, (3) a cuckoo clock, (4) a large mirror, (5) a warming-pan.
"Once let us make a home for ourselves," we said, "and our energies
will be free to finish the War." We devoted every cunning worker in
the battery to this great end. Drill was abandoned, stables forgotten.
We installed bookshelves, bootjacks, a sideboard, hat racks, a dumb
waiter, a stand for the gramophone and a roll-top desk for the Major.
The walls were tapestried with canvas, hung with pictures, scalps,
and the various decorations won by members of the mess. The original
building, disreputable and hateful, was hidden and forgotten.

And then the C.C. called again, and, after a minute and admiring
inspection of our abode, informed us that to his bitter sorrow he had
to turn us out; umteen battalions of infantry were coming in and had
to be accommodated--this being an infantry camp....

That night, as I walked about in the rain, I looked in at the open
door of our lost home. Two N.C.O.'s were sitting over our stove, lost,
lonely in the elongated emptiness; longing, I knew, to be with their
comrades bellowing in an adjacent hut. And so I understood and knew at
length how Camp Commandants manage the maintenance and improvement of
their domain. I devote myself now to warning the simple-hearted gunner
against unfurnished huts and the hospitality of Camp Commandants.
And some day I hope to be in a position to lend that particular C.C.
another horse.

* * * * *

PUNCH'S ROLL OF HONOUR.

We deeply regret to learn that Lieutenant GEORGE L. BROWN, Loyal North
Lancashire Regiment, who contributed sketches to _Punch_ before the
War, has died of wounds.

We are very glad to say that Captain A.W. LLOYD, Royal Fusiliers, is
making a good recovery from the severe wound which he received in East
Africa.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _She_. "OH, WAS THAT A BOMB?"

_He_. "YES, I THINK IT WAS. BUT IF IT WAS AS NEAR AS IT SOUNDED IT
WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY MUCH LOUDER."]

* * * * *

MARGARINE.

A HOUSEKEEPER'S PALINODE.

MARGARINE--the prefix "oleo-"
Latterly ha