as infinitely
respectful. "Schafer's," he said, and off we went side by side--and with
me more and more amazed at all these things--to Schafer's Hotel, the
second of the two big places with huge lace curtain-covered windows,
near the corner of Blackfriars Bridge.

I will confess I felt a magic charm in our relative proportions as the
two colossal, pale-blue-and-red liveried porters of Schafers' held open
the inner doors for us with a respectful salutation that in some manner
they seemed to confine wholly to my uncle. Instead of being about
four inches taller, I felt at least the same size as he, and very much
slenderer. Still more respectful--waiters relieved him of the new hat
and the dignified umbrella, and took his orders for our lunch. He gave
them with a fine assurance.

He nodded to several of the waiters.

"They know me, George, already," he said. "Point me out. Live place! Eye
for coming men!"

The detailed business of the lunch engaged our attention for a while,
and then I leant across my plate. "And NOW?" said I.

"It's the secret of vigour. Didn't you read that label?"

"Yes, but--"

"It's selling like hot cakes."

"And what is it?" I pressed.

"Well," said my uncle, and then leant forward and spoke softly under
cover of his hand, "It's nothing more or less than..."

(But here an unfortunate scruple intervenes. After all, Tono-Bungay is
still a marketable commodity and in the hands of purchasers, who bought
it from--among other vendors--me. No! I am afraid I cannot give it
away--)

"You see," said my uncle in a slow confidential whisper, with eyes
very wide and a creased forehead, "it's nice because of the" (here he
mentioned a flavouring matter and an aromatic spirit), "it's stimulating
because of" (here he mentioned two very vivid tonics, one with a
marked action on the kidney.) "And the" (here he mentioned two other
ingredients) "makes it pretty intoxicating. Cocks their tails. Then
there's" (but I touch on the essential secret.) "And there you are. I
got it out of an old book of recipes--all except the" (here he mentioned
the more virulent substance, the one that assails the kidneys), "which
is my idea! Modern touch! There you are!"

He reverted to the direction of our lunch.

Presently he was leading the way to the lounge--sumptuous piece in red
morocco and yellow glazed crockery, with incredible vistas of settees
and sofas and things, and there I found myself grouped with him in two
ex