ing without the
ringing of a bell, and why is it that three hundred people cannot assemble
in a church without a previous ding-donging lasting half an
hour?--_Detroit Free Press._

Why, man, it's because they go out at seven o'clock to get money. Put a
twenty-dollar gold piece in each pew every Sunday and you may sell your
bell for old metal.--_Louisville Courier-Journal._

WHEN PAW WAS A BOY.

I wisht 'at I'd of been here when
My paw he was a boy;
They must of been excitement then--
When my paw was a boy;
In school he always took the prize,
He used to lick boys twice his size--
I bet folks all had bulgin' eyes
When my paw was a boy.

They was a lot of wonders done
When my paw was a boy;
How granpa must have loved his son,
When my paw was a boy;
He'd git the coal and chop the wood,
And think up every way he could
To always jist be sweet and good--
When my paw was a boy.

Then everything was in its place,
When my paw was a boy;
How he could rassle, jump, and race,
When my paw was a boy!
He never, never disobeyed;
He beat in every game he played--
Gee! What a record they was made
When my paw was a boy!

I wisht 'at I'd been here when
My paw he was a boy;
They'll never be his like agen--
Paw was the model boy,
But still last night I heard my maw
Raise up her voice and call my paw
The worst fool that she ever saw--
He ought of stayed a boy!

_Chicago Times-Herald._

TOO MANY LEGS.

Senator Elsberg of New York was talking in Albany about a notoriously
untruthful man.

"Like all great liars," said Senator Elsberg, "he is careless. He fails to
keep accurate note of all the lies he tells. Hence innumerable
contradictions, innumerable stories that won't hold together."

Senator Elsberg smiled.

"The average chronic liar," he said, "has the luck of a boy I know who
enlisted and went to the Philippines. This boy, whenever he wanted money,
would write home from Manila something like this:

"'Dear Father--I have lost another leg in a stiff engagement, and am in
hospital without means. Kindly send two hundred dollars at once.'

"To the last letter of this sort that the boy wrote home, he received the
following answer:

"'Dear Son--As, according to your letters, this is the fourth leg you have
lost, you ought to be accustomed to it by