should like another," I said,--"any little one would do."

"I don't keep tables up my sleeve," said she. "You see what you can
have, ... just what is there. If it doesn't suit you...."

"But it does suit me," I said hurriedly, for the search had been long
and exhausting, and the rooms were pleasant enough. I thought we need
not deal much with the woman.

"No meals except coffee in the morning; you understand that?" she said
in a truculent tone.

"Oh yes, I understand. We shall go out at midday and at night.
Afternoon tea I always make myself with a spirit lamp...."

Never in my life have I been so startled. I thought the woman was
going to behave like a rat in a corner, and fly at me. She shook her
fist and shouted so loud that she brought the dentist on the scene.

"_Spiritus_," she screamed. "_Spiritus--Spiritus leid' ich nicht._"

"Bless us!" I said in English. "What's the matter?"

"_Was ist's?_" said the dentist, and he looked downright frightened.

"_Sie will kochen_," said his wife, shaking her fist at me again. "She
has a spirit lamp. She wants to turn my beautiful _bestes Zimmer_ into
a kitchen. She will take all the polish off my furniture, just as the
last people did when they cooked for themselves."

"Cooked!" I said. "Who speaks of cooking?--I spoke of a cup of tea."

"_Spiritus leid' ich nicht_," shrieked the woman.

"No," said the dentist, "we can't have cooking here."

"_Spiritus leid'_...."

But I fled. Luckily, we had not paid any rent in advance. I made up my
mind that I would never confess to my small harmless Etna in German
lodgings again, and would bolt the door while I boiled water for tea
in it. We found rooms after another weary search, but they were
extremely noisy and uncomfortable. We had to take them for six weeks,
and could only endure them for a fortnight, and though we paid them
the full six weeks' rent when we left, they charged us for every jug
of hot water we had used, and added a _Trinkgeld_ for the servant.

"We did not engage to pay extra either for hot water or for
_Trinkgeld_," we said, turning, as worms will even in a _Residenz_,
where everyone is a worm who is not _Militaer_.

"But _Englaender_ never give a _Trinkgeld_. That is why we have put it
in the bill. The girl expects it, and has earned it."

"The girl will have it," we said; "but we shall give it her ourselves.
And what have you to say about the hot water?"

"Without coal it is impossible to have hot