to
begin at the top with soup and work through the various surprises and
temptations of the pyramid till you get to _Biskuit-Pudding mit Vanille
Sauce_ at the bottom. But in nine cases out of ten the restaurant fails
you, sends uneatable food, is absurdly unpunctual or says plainly it
can't be bothered. Then you have to wander about and out of doors for
your food in all weathers and all states of health. This is amusing for
a time, but not in the long run. It is astonishing how tired you can
get of the "very fine" restaurants within reach, of their waitresses,
their furniture, their menus, and their daily guests. At least, this is
so in a small town where the best restaurant is not "very fine,"
although both food and service will be better than in an English town
of the same size. If you are in Berlin and can go to the good
restaurants, there you will be in danger of becoming a gourmet and
losing your natural affection for cold mutton.

In a university or a big commercial town it is easy to get rooms for
less than we pay in England; but in a small _Residenz_ I have found it
difficult. There were rooms to let, but no one wanted us, because we
were not officers with soldier servants to wait on us; nor did we want
to engage rooms as the officers did for at least six months. In fact,
we found ourselves as unpopular as ladies are in a London suburb where
all the lodging-house keepers want "gentlemen in the city" who are
away all day and give no trouble. At last, after searching through
every likely street in the town, we found a dentist with exuberant
manners, who said he would overlook our shortcomings, and allow us to
inhabit his rooms at a high price on condition we gave no trouble. We
said we never gave trouble anywhere, and left both hotels and
lodging-houses with an excellent character, so the bargain was
concluded. I saw that his wife was not a party to it, but he overruled
her, and as he was a big red-faced noisy man, and she was a small rat
of a woman, I thought he would continue to do so. One is always making
these stupid elementary mistakes about one's fellow-creatures. But a
little later in the day I had occasion to call at the rooms to
complete some arrangement about luggage, and then the wife received me
alone. I asked her if she could put a small table into a room that
only had a big one. I forget why I wanted it.

"Table!" she said rudely. "What can you want another table for? Isn't
that one enough?"

"I