. The public would get tired of it and
some other form of advertisement would be found. He complained, too,
that he was supposed to keep up the appearance of a wealthy toff smoking
cigarettes continually for a period of seven hours, and the management
provided only one small packet of woodbines per diem for him to do it
on.

I produced my cigarette-case. It was one which Lord Baringstoke--always
a careless man--had lost. It had been presented to me by dear Mr.
Bunting. Hugo said he had not intended anything of that sort, but helped
himself.

A quarter of an hour later we had our first quarrel. I asked him if it
was cold up where he was. He said morosely that he had heard that joke
on his stature a few times before. I told him that if he lived long
enough--and I'd never seen anybody living much longer--he was likely to
hear it a few times again. He then said that either I could hop off the
'bus or he would, and he didn't care which. After that we both were
rather rude. He got me by the hair, and I had just landed a straight
left to the point when the conductor came up and said he would not have
it.

I became engaged to Hugo that night at 10.41. I remember the time
exactly, because Mrs. Pettifer had a rule that all her maids were to be
in the house by ten sharp, and I was rather keeping an eye on my watch
in consequence.

To tell the truth, we quarrelled very frequently. Different though we
were in many respects, we both had irritable, overstrung, tri-chord
natures, with hair-spring nerves connected direct to the high-explosive
language-mine.

On one occasion I went with him to a paper fancy-dress dance at the
rooms attached to the Hopley Arms. I went as "The Sunday Times," my
dress being composed of two copies of that excellent, though
inexpensive journal, tastefully arranged on a concrete foundation.

When Millie Wyandotte saw me, she called out: "Hello, Marge! Got into
the newspapers at last?" I shall be even with that girl one of these
days.

I declined to dance with Hugo at all. I said frankly that I preferred to
dance with somebody who could touch the top of my head without stooping.
I went off with Georgie Leghorn, and Hugo sat and sulked.

Later in the evening he came up to me and asked if he should get my
cloak.

I said irritably: "Of course not. Why should you?"

"Well," he said, "I don't know whether you're aware of it, but you've
got three split infinitives in your City article."

"Ah!" I repli