and
comparing it with the hired girl, and she says we haven't ever had a
prune, or a dried apple, or a raisin, or any cinnamon, or crackers
and cheese out of your store, and he says you are worse than the James
Brothers, and that you used to be a three card monte man; and he will
have you arrested for highway robbery, but you can settle that with
Pa. I like you, because you are no ordinary sneak thief. You are a
high-toned, gentlemanly sort of a bilk, and wouldn't take anything you
couldn't lift. O, keep your seat, and don't get excited. It does a man
good to hear the truth from one who has got the nerve to tell it.

"But about the parrot. Ma has been away from home for a week, having a
high old time in Chicago, going to theatres and things, and while she
was gone, I guess the hired girl or somebody learned the parrot some new
things to say. A parrot that can only say 'Polly wants a cracker,' dont
amount to anything--what we need is new style parrots that can converse
on the topics of the day, and say things original. Well, when Ma got
back, I guess her conscience hurt her for the way she had been carrying
on in Chicago, and so when she heard the basement of the church was
being frescoed, she invited the committee to hold the Wednesday evening
prayer meeting at our house. First, there were four people came, and
Ma asked Pa to stay to make up a quorum, and Pa said seeing he had two
pair, he guessed he would stay in, and if Ma would deal him a queen he
would have a full hand. I don't know what Pa meant; but he plays draw
poker sometimes. Anyway, there was eleven people came, including the
minister, and after they had talked about the neighbors a spell, and Ma
had showed the women a new tidy she had worked for the heathen, with
a motto on it which Pa had taught her: 'A contrite heart beats a
bob-tailed flush,'--and Pa had talked to the men about a religious
silver mine he was selling stock in, which he advised them as a friend
to buy for the glory of the church, they all went in the back parlor,
and the minister led in prayer. He got down on his knees right under the
parrot's cage, and you'd a dide to see Polly hang on to the wires of the
cage with one foot, and drop an apple core on the minister's head. Ma
shook her handkerchief at Polly, and looked sassy, and Polly got up on
the perch, and as the minister got warmed up, and began to raise the
roof, Polly said, 'O, dry up.' The minister had his eyes shut, but he
opened o