--the moment _is_ historical.
Your esteemed Housemate, Mr. Dink Stover, has completed, after years
of endeavor, an invention that is destined to be a household word from
the northernmost wilds of the Davis House to the sun-kissed fragrance
of the Green, from the Ethiopian banks of the fur-bearing canal to the
Western Tins of Hot-dog Land! Gentlemen, I will be frank----"

"Cheese it!" said a voice.

"I will be frank," repeated Macnooder, turning on them a countenance
on which candor struggled with innocence. "I did not wish or
encourage the present method of procedure. As a member of the
Dickinson House I combated the proposition of Mr. Stover and his
associates to make this invention a Kennedy House sinecure. I still
combat it--but I yield. If they wish to give away their profits they
can. Gentlemen, in a few moments I shall have the pleasure of placing
before you an opportunity to become shareholders in one of the most
epoch-making inventions the world has ever known."

"What's it called?" said a voice.

"It's called," said Macnooder slowly, secure now of the attention of
his audience, "it's called The Complete Sleep Prolonger. The title
itself is a promise and a hope. I will claim nothing for this
wonderful little invention. It not only combats the cold, but it
encourages the heat; it prolongs not only the sleep, but the
existence; it will increase the stature, make fat men thin, thin men
impressive, clear the complexion, lighten the eye and make the hair
long and curly."

"Let's have it," cried several voices.

"Gentlemen," said Macnooder, seeing that no further delay was
possible, "our first demonstration will be entitled The Old Way."

Dennis de Brian de Boru Finnegan, in pajamas, appeared from a closet,
went to the window, opened it, shut the register, yawned, went to his
bed and drew the covers over his head. The faint sounds of a mandolin
were heard from the expert hands of the Tennessee Shad.

"Scene," said Macnooder, fitting his accents to low music as is the
custom of vaudeville--"scene represents the young Lawrenceville boy,
exhausted by the preparation of the next day's lessons, seeking to
rest his too conscientious brain. The night passes, the wind rises. It
grows cold. Hark the rising bell. He hears it not. What now? He rises
in his bed, the room is bitter cold. He bounds to the window over the
frozen ground. He springs to the register and back to his bed. He
looks at his watch. Heavens! Not a m