servant shall not have the key." It sounds rather abrupt.

***

Owing to the Government demand that nothing in the way of unnecessary
expenditure should be allowed, it is expected that all paid lecturers on
War Economy and National Thrift will be given a week's notice.

***

Opposing a suggestion of the Wandsworth Borough Council to discontinue
the issue of fiction from the free libraries, a member of the Women's
Freedom League said that a novel was to a woman what a pipe was to a
man. Well, not quite, perhaps. We never saw a man begin a pipe at the
wrong end.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "THEY OUGHT TO BE AT THE FRONT. THAT'S THE SORT THEY WANT
THERE."

"THEY WON'T GO, SIR. THEY'RE CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTORS."]

* * * * *

From an article by Mr. AUSTIN HARRISON in _The Sunday Pictorial_:--

"A few strange gentlemen attitudinise in Westminster on
principle, but these men would cut capers of principle in any
case, like Mr. Snodgrass when he went skating."

Or _Mr. Winkle_ when he wrote verses.

* * * * *

"In the Continental boat-trains the warning, '_Licht
linauslehnen_,' has not been removed from the windows....
Occasionally you see that '_Nicht linauslehnen_' has been
indignantly pasted over."--_Provincial Paper._

The latter is certainly a little more German than the other.

* * * * *

After a description of the new lighting order:--

"The regulations will impose a great deal of work on the police,
and it is the duty of the public to make it as light as
possible."--_Hampshire Observer._

_Lux_, in fact, _a non lucendo_.

* * * * *

A LONELY LIFE.

"Nothing but margarine has entered my door since the War
began."--_Dr. C. W. SALEEBY in "Daily Chronicle."_

* * * * *

THE WATCH DOGS.

XXXIV.

MY DEAR CHARLES,--We're having a great time with our new arrival, one of
those confounded civilians, who are only let into the business because
the business, in these modern and highly complicated days, cannot be
carried on without them. He's a jolly old Lieutenant of about fifty
years; he has a concentrated experience of the world but doesn't
remember having been mixed up in a big European war before. At first I
kept on telling him that business is one thing