parricides,
strongly recommended for Surrey use.

* * * * *

WHY AND BECAUSE.

Young Kean's a bad cigar--because
The more he's puff'd, the worse he draws.

A new farce, entitled "My Friend the Captain," is to be produced tonight,
at the Haymarket Theatre.

MR. HAMMOND will take a benefit at the English Opera House, on Monday
next. We are happy to see that this very deserving actor's professional
brethren are coming forward to lend him that assistance which he has
always been ready to afford to others.

TO MRS. H.

Thou sweet, to whom all bend the knee,
No wonder men run after thee;
There's something in a name, perhaps,
For _Honey's_ often good for _chaps_.

A MR. GRAHAM has appeared at the Surrey. He is reported to be a very
chaste and clever actor. If so, he certainly will not suit the taste of
Mr. Davidge's patrons. How they have tolerated Wilson, Leffler, and Miss
Romer so long, we are utterly at a loss to divine. It must be, that "music
hath charms."

We are authorised to state that Rouse of the Eagle Tavern is not the Rous
who was lately returned for Westminster.

THE REAL AND THE IDEAL; OR, THE CATASTROPHE OF A VICTORIA MELO-DRAMA.

_Berthelda_.--Sanguine, you have killed your _mother_!!!

_Fruitwoman_.--Any apples, oranges, biscuits, ginger-beer!

(_Curtain falls_.)

* * * * *

QUALIFICATIONS FOR AN M.P.

We give the following list of qualifications for a member of parliament
for Westminster, as a logical curiosity, extracted from a handbill very
liberally distributed by Captain Rons's party, during the late contest:--

1st. Because "he is _brother to the Earl_ of Stradbroke."

2nd. Because "his _family_ have always been hearty Conservatives."

3rd. Because "they have been established in _Suffolk_ from the time
of the _Heptarchy_."

4th. Because "he entered the navy in 1808."

5th. Because "he _brought home Lord Aylmer_ in the Pique, in 1835."

6th. Because "he ran the Pique aground in the Straits of Belleisle."

7th. Because "after beating there for eleven hours, he got her off again."

8th. Because "he brought her into Portsmouth without a rudder or forefoot,
lower-masts all sprung, and leaking at the rate of two feet per hour!"
ergo, he is the fittest man for the representative of Westminster.--Q.E.D.

THE ENTIRE ANIMAL.

LORD LONDONDERRY, in a letter to Colonel Fitzroy, begs of the gallan