t pastime or other.

The day's performance was closed by chasin' a greased pig.

The hog was well greased and let loose, and the whole lot of fat men
started pell-mell.

It was "Root hog, or die" with the odds in favor of the Hog.

All of a sudden, the hog turned back, and the fat men coulden't stop,
when down they all fell on top of poor piggy, smashin' him flatter'n a
pancake.

The bystanders were startin' for derricks and jack-screws to raise the
fat men off from each other.

"Hold on," says I, "I know a trick worth 2 of that."

I rusht into the house, and ceasin' the dinner-bell, rung it as hard as
I could.

It delited me, in my old age, to see them chaps scrabble when they heard
that bell.

In 10 seconds time, only one member of the pile diden't git up, and
rise, and that was the hog.

It was a cruel deception--but I believe the mean trick justifide the
end, and saved the Bord of Helth a big bill of expense. For sure's
you're borned, it would have been a meesely old job, cartin' of that big
pile of corrupshun.

I had seen enuff for one day.

My fisikle and intelectooal capacity was gorged.

Foldin' my Filacteries, and pickin' up my bloo cotton parashoot, I fled
the seen, hily tickled to think I wasen't a fat man.

Virtously of thee,

HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,

_Lait Gustise of the Peece._

* * * * *

[Illustration: WOMAN ASSERTS HER RIGHTS]

* * * * *

OUR FINANCIAL ARTICLE.

WALL STREET, August 9th, 1870.

SIR:--It is with feelings of indignation and scorn that I proceed once
more to pollute my pen with the chronicles of a mercenary rabble. It
_had_ been thought that the remonstrances of the pure and high-minded
among your readers would have sufficed to overcome the resolution of an
infatuated, but not Criminal Editor. There was a time when the claims of
a _Certain Contributor_ were wont to be considered. But the passion for
worldly greed has, alas! perverted a too simple nature, and where the
Muses once found a congenial resting place, the demon Mammon now sits in
GHASTLY TRIUMPH.

I will not here refer to my threat of resignation, nor to the shouts of
diabolical laughter with which it was received by the conductor of a
Comic Journal, whose name it would not become me to mention. Suffice it
to say that those sentiments of loyalty and affection which have ever
been my glory, and a keen appreciation of the difficulty of obtaining