other way.

3. Always have a policy. Talk about it much and often, and be sure to
call it "my policy."

The best of rules being liable to misconstruction, some Congressmen have
acted as if this rule read, "Always have a policy shop."

4. Always have a theory. If a murder has been committed, appear to know
all about the "dog," and to be familiar with its history from the time
when it was a pup. Be sure to fix suspicion upon some person, even if
you are compelled to eat your own words on the following day.

5. Talk much and often about protection, and give advice to farmers,
even if you don't know anything about agriculture.

6. Fill your head with classical quotations, and trot them out on all
occasions, whether discussing a bill for the diffusion of beans among
the Indians, or the Alabama claims.

7. Smoke many costly Havana cigars.

This rule has been lately discovered.

8. Get some one to write a history of CAESAR for you, or an account of a
tour in the Highlands, and then claim the work as your own.

There are one or two observations I would here make, which may be
useful. If you are ambitious, you had better commence at the lower
rounds of the ladder, in order that your ascent may be safe and rapid.
If you would be, for instance, a great statesman, be first an alderman;
if a great warrior, be first--well, say a tanner. Also, you should pay
particular attention to the clothes which you inhabit. An old white hat
and a slouchy old overcoat will insure you a nomination for the office
of Governor.

If, by following these rules and heeding these observations, you cannot
become a great man, you may rest assured that the fault is not in the
rules, but in you. What is already perfect cannot be made more perfect.
If you fail, after conscientiously following the above advice, (though
I'm not sure that the fact will not be the same, if you succeed,) it's
because you are already great--a great fool.

* * * * *

"THE COLORED TROOPS FOUGHT NOBLY."

So far as the Franco-Prussian war has gone, the blackest page of its
history appears to be the employment of the Turcos, who are nearly as
black as average Nubian "niggers." The expedient of mixing black troops
with white was not very successful during our own little war. Raids upon
hen-roosts were about the most prominent results of the experiment,
though said raids were magnified by the Rads into grand victories over
Confeds. The Turcos h