s very uncommonly grand--
The best that was every provided,
For our townsman Brown presided
At the organ with skill and grace."
The Headliner discontinued to read,
And, spread the paper down
On the desk, he dashed in at the top of the screed:
"Great playing by President Brown."

Orpheus Bowen

PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American
politics.

PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom--
and of whom only--it is positively known that immense numbers of
their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

If that's an honor surely 'tis a greater
To have been a simple and undamned spectator.
Behold in me a man of mark and note
Whom no elector e'er denied a vote!--
An undiscredited, unhooted gent
Who might, for all we know, be President
By acclimation. Cheer, ye varlets, cheer--
I'm passing with a wide and open ear!

Jonathan Fomry

PREVARICATOR, n. A liar in the caterpillar estate.

PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of
conscience in demanding it.

PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported
by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the
Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies
Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is
commonly dead.

PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us
that--

"Stone walls do not a prison make,"

but a combination of the stone wall, the political parasite and the
moral instructor is no garden of sweets.

PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his
knapsack and an impediment in his hope.

PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him
in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him.
For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

Asked how he knew that an elephant was going on a journey, the
illustrious Jo. Miller cast a reproachful look upon his tormentor, and
answered, absently: "When it is ajar," and threw himself from a high
promontory into the sea. Thus perished in his pride the most famous
humorist of antiquity, leaving to mankind a heritage of woe! No
successor worthy of the title has appeared, though Mr. Edward Bok, of
_The Ladies' Home Journal_, is much respected for the purity and
sweetness of his personal character.

PROJECTILE, n.