oint on which he cannot avoid making a few brief
remarks--that is, the inconsistent conduct of its apostles in general.
The teetotal apostle says, it is a dreadful thing to be drunk. So it is,
teetotaller; but if so, why do you get drunk? I get drunk? Yes, unhappy
man, why do you get drunk on smoke and passion? Why are your garments
impregnated with the odour of the Indian weed? Why is there a pipe or a
cigar always in your mouth? Why is your language more dreadful than that
of a Poissarde? Tobacco-smoke is more deleterious than ale, teetotaller;
bile more potent than brandy. You are fond of telling your hearers what
an awful thing it is to die drunken. So it is, teetotaller. Then take
good care that you do not die with smoke and passion, drunken, and with
temperance language on your lips; that is, abuse and calumny against all
those who differ from you. One word of sense you have been heard to say,
which is, that spirits may be taken as a medicine. Now you are in a
fever of passion, teetotaller; so, pray take this tumbler of brandy; take
it on the homoeopathic principle, that heat is to be expelled by heat.
You are in a temperance fury, so swallow the contents of this tumbler,
and it will, perhaps, cure you. You look at the glass wistfully--you
occasionally take a glass medicinally--and it is probable you do. Take
one now. Consider what a dreadful thing it would be to die passion
drunk; to appear before your Maker with intemperate language on your
lips. That's right! You don't seem to wince at the brandy. That's
right!--well done! All down in two pulls. Now you look like a
reasonable being!

If the conduct of Lavengro with regard to drink is open to little
censure, assuredly the use which he makes of his fists is entitled to
none at all. Because he has a pair of tolerably strong fists, and knows
to a certain extent how to use them, is he a swaggerer or oppressor? To
what ill account does he turn them? Who more quiet, gentle, and
inoffensive than he? He beats off a ruffian who attacks him in a dingle;
has a kind of friendly tuzzle with Mr. Petulengro, and behold the extent
of his fistic exploits.

Ay, but he associates with prize-fighters; and that very fellow,
Petulengro, is a prize-fighter, and has fought for a stake in a ring.
Well, and if he had not associated with prize-fighters, how could he have
used his fists? Oh, anybody can use his fists in his own defence,
without being taught by pri