then carried off at Jacksonville to a hack, taken to a
hotel, thence to the train. I secured a good berth in a sleeper, and
got through without the least trouble. I improved, every mile of the
way; but as soon as I got home I went down again, and was extremely low
for some time.

My dread of dying in Florida and having my wife return with my body,
was such that I concentrated all my prayers to that one point. I prayed
the Lord to enable me to get home, that I might die in the midst of my
family. I felt and prayed that if He would enable me to reach home, He
could have the rest all His own way, without any further petition. He
enabled me to rally, gave a week of the best weather of the whole
season, brought me home under the most favorable circumstances, and I
never afterwards felt free to ask Him to restore me to health, and have
never done it. It may be wrong, but I promised to let Him have the rest
all His own way, and my prayers have ever since conformed to that idea.

I never could have believed, till I experienced it, that one could
become so indifferent as to whether he lived or died, I saw many days,
after my return from Florida, when it was a matter of perfect
indifference to me; previous anxiety to get home, and the resolution to
leave all the rest to the Lord, had no doubt much to do with it. I
observed this, however: that as hope revived, a desire to live would
arise in proportion. When there was little or no prospect, there was
little or no concern.

When I was at my worst, I decided, taking my past and present condition
into consideration, the medicine I was taking, the attention received,
etc., that if I did not take a turn for the better by a certain day,
then in three days the case would be entirely hopeless. In the
afternoon of that day the change came. That evening I took some
nourishment--the first for fourteen days.

After I sufficiently recovered to be able to do anything, I was anxious
to get my business arranged, with a view to death. I never expected to
be able to write another editorial, and I was concerned about making
some arrangement by which to get rid of the _Guide_ and its
responsibility. I was not pleased with its business management, and did
not want to leave it as the property of my family, not knowing what
trouble it might give nor what expense it might involve them in. And
without a change in management, I knew it could never be of any profit.
I wrote for Bro. Srygley to come, and