time to time,
towards major and judge with a triumphant sneer, as much as to say,
"I've fixed you, anyhow." The argument was over; whether the major and
the judge were right about the distance, or not, I cannot decide; but if
the bet, when accepted, had to be ratified in the grasp of the muscular
hand which the colonel extended, they were decidedly right in not
accepting it, as some painful surgical operation must have followed such
a crushing and dislocation as his gripe inevitably portended. I would as
soon have put my hand between the rollers of a cane-press.

The feeding arrangements for the humanities on board were, if
disagreeable, sufficiently amusing once in a way. A table extends nearly
the whole length of the gentlemen's saloon; on each side are ranged low
wooden straight-back arm-chairs, of a breadth well suited for the ghost
_qui n'avait pas de quoi_. But the unfortunate man who happened to be
very well supplied therewith, ran considerable risk of finding the chair
a permanent appendage. At the sound of the bell, all the seats being
arranged opposite the respective places, the men rush forward and place
themselves behind the said chairs, and, like true cavaliers, stand there
till the ladies are seated. I was standing waiting among the rest, and
getting impatient as time flew on. One lady had not yet arrived. At last
the steward came with the said article on his arm, and having deposited
her in the seat nearly opposite mine, at a knowing wink from him, a
second steward sounded another bell, and the men dropped into their
seats like magic. Soup having been already served, the spoons rattled
away furiously. I was wondering who the lady--all females are ladies
here--could be, for whom we had been so long waiting, and who had
eventually come in with the steward, or gentleman--all men are gentlemen
here--in so friendly a manner. She did not appear burdened with any
refined manners, but, judge of my astonishment when, after she had got
quit of her soup-plate and was waiting for her next helping, I observed
the lady poking the point of her knife into a sweet dish near her, and
sucking off the precious morsel she had captured, which interesting
operation she kept repeating till her roast turkey arrived. There was an
air of such perfect innocence about her, as she was employed in the
sucking process, that you could not help feeling she was unconscious any
eye fixed upon her could find her occupation offensive or extra