person into a
hero; (compare Symposium).

It is true that friendships are apt to be disappointing: either we
expect too much from them; or we are indolent and do not 'keep them in
repair;' or being admitted to intimacy with another, we see his faults
too clearly and lose our respect for him; and he loses his affection for
us. Friendships may be too violent; and they may be too sensitive. The
egotism of one of the parties may be too much for the other. The word of
counsel or sympathy has been uttered too obtrusively, at the wrong time,
or in the wrong manner; or the need of it has not been perceived until
too late. 'Oh if he had only told me' has been the silent thought of
many a troubled soul. And some things have to be indicated rather than
spoken, because the very mention of them tends to disturb the equability
of friendship. The alienation of friends, like many other human evils,
is commonly due to a want of tact and insight. There is not enough
of the Scimus et hanc veniam petimusque damusque vicissim. The sweet
draught of sympathy is not inexhaustible; and it tends to weaken the
person who too freely partakes of it. Thus we see that there are many
causes which impair the happiness of friends.

We may expect a friendship almost divine, such as philosophers
have sometimes dreamed of: we find what is human. The good of it is
necessarily limited; it does not take the place of marriage; it affords
rather a solace than an arm of support. It had better not be based on
pecuniary obligations; these more often mar than make a friendship.
It is most likely to be permanent when the two friends are equal and
independent, or when they are engaged together in some common work or
have some public interest in common. It exists among the bad or inferior
sort of men almost as much as among the good; the bad and good, and
'the neither bad nor good,' are drawn together in a strange manner by
personal attachment. The essence of it is loyalty, without which it
would cease to be friendship.

Another question 9) may be raised, whether friendship can safely exist
between young persons of different sexes, not connected by ties of
relationship, and without the thought of love or marriage; whether,
again, a wife or a husband should have any intimate friend, besides his
or her partner in marriage. The answer to this latter question is rather
perplexing, and would probably be different in different countries
(compare Sympos.). While we do not