d and he begins "My dearest madam--" and then
put his face in his hat as if he had just come into church. As I sat all
in a maze he came out of his hat and began again. "My esteemed and
beloved friend--" and then went into his hat again. "Major," I cries out
frightened "has anything happened to our darling boy?" "No, no, no" says
the Major "but Miss Wozenham has been here this morning to make her
excuses to me, and by the Lord I can't get over what she told me." "Hoity
toity, Major," I says "you don't know yet that I was afraid of you last
night and didn't think half as well of you as I ought! So come out of
church Major and forgive me like a dear old friend and I'll never do so
any more." And I leave you to judge my dear whether I ever did or will.
And how affecting to think of Miss Wozenham out of her small income and
her losses doing so much for her poor old father, and keeping a brother
that had had the misfortune to soften his brain against the hard
mathematics as neat as a new pin in the three back represented to lodgers
as a lumber-room and consuming a whole shoulder of mutton whenever
provided!

And now my dear I really am a going to tell you about my Legacy if you're
inclined to favour me with your attention, and I did fully intend to have
come straight to it only one thing does so bring up another. It was the
month of June and the day before Midsummer Day when my girl Winifred
Madgers--she was what is termed a Plymouth Sister, and the Plymouth
Brother that made away with her was quite right, for a tidier young woman
for a wife never came into a house and afterwards called with the
beautifullest Plymouth Twins--it was the day before Midsummer Day when
Winifred Madgers comes and says to me "A gentleman from the Consul's
wishes particular to speak to Mrs. Lirriper." If you'll believe me my
dear the Consols at the bank where I have a little matter for Jemmy got
into my head, and I says "Good gracious I hope he ain't had any dreadful
fall!" Says Winifred "He don't look as if he had ma'am." And I says
"Show him in."

The gentleman came in dark and with his hair cropped what I should
consider too close, and he says very polite "Madame Lirrwiper!" I says,
"Yes sir. Take a chair." "I come," says he "frrwom the Frrwench
Consul's." So I saw at once that it wasn't the Bank of England. "We
have rrweceived," says the gentleman turning his r's very curious and
skilful, "frrwom the Mairrwie at Sens, a commun