e to endure? Perhaps we would be sent to the front soon. That
would be a change at least. I tried to visualize the future. What would
actual warfare be like? I thought of bayonet charges and men falling
under machine-gun fire. Then I recollected having heard somewhere that a
soldier can take an active part in a modern war without ever seeing the
enemy, and I imagined a low range of distant hills dotted with little
puffs of smoke. I could not, however, realize the precise mental state
of a soldier under fire, so that none of these pictures seemed
convincing to me. I wondered whether I would be anxious, nervous,
terrified, excited, exuberant, or calm and indifferent in the presence
of danger, but I could not arrive at any conclusion. Even the term
"under fire" conveyed no precise meaning. Nothing I had read about the
present war was of any help to me. The reports of the war-correspondents
in the daily press were so full of obviously false psychology, that I
regarded them as obstacles in the way of a proper understanding of
modern warfare, and no doubt that was partly the object with which they
were written or rather inspired. I knew that within a few weeks I might
be dead or terribly mutilated, but as I could not visualize the precise
circumstances the prospect only filled me with an indefinite uneasiness.
The possibilities before me were too vague and too numerous, and I did
not possess sufficient knowledge to estimate them accurately. I did not
even know whether I would remain in a fighting unit. I hoped we would be
sent to the front soon, for the one thing I feared was a prolongation of
the dreary round of infantry drill. Moreover I was intensely curious as
to the real nature of war and eager to experience new sensations and
conditions. Nevertheless, from time to time I felt a wild desire to run
away and enjoy a few days of freedom, but the realization of the
futility of such a wish always brought on a fit of such black despair
that I tried not to think about it at all.

II

THE FATIGUE PARTY

There was much gaiety amongst us. There was also much gloom and
bitterness. We would often quarrel violently over nothing and enrage
over little inconveniences--intense irritability is the commonest result
of army life. Our morale was dominated by the small, immediate event.
Bad weather and long working hours would provoke outbursts of grumbling
and fretful resentment. A sunny morning and the prospect of a holiday
woul