was really half an hour), when the officer said, "O'Brien, have you any
witnesses?" I said, "Yes, Sir, Private Gammon." Officer: "Private
Gammon, step forward. How long after reveille did O'Brien lie in bed?"
"Fifteen minutes, Sir," said Gammon, and looked at me as though he were
doing me a great favour. "Five days C. B.," said the Major; "right
about turn, dismiss." Now, believe me, what I said to that boy
wouldn't look well in print. No more "witnesses" for me--like the
darky who was brought up before the judge for stealing chickens. He
protested his innocence, and the judge said, "Pete, have you any
witnesses?" The old man answered, "No, Sir, I never steals chickens
'fore witnesses." In the future I would follow my old schoolmaster's
advice; he said, "My boy, never tell a lie; but if you do happen to
tell one, make it a good one and stick to it." I haven't always been
able to live up to the first part, but when I fell down on that the
latter half came in handy. This was my first crime, but it wasn't by
any means my last. I remember one day in the early spring the
battalion was out doing some skirmishing, and somehow three of us got
separated from the others. In looking for our company we came across
an inviting-looking spot, and we sat down to have a rest. Smoking and
telling stories made the time pass quickly, and when we came to look
for the battalion it had gone home. We hiked for home as fast as our
legs could carry us and got in about an hour late. Next morning we
were paraded before the Major, and he listened to our story but
evidently didn't sympathize with our love for nature and gave us seven
days C. B. I thought the punishment rather stiff, but the old Major
had it in for me. A few days before, when we were on parade, the old
Major kept our platoon drilling after the others had gone in, and all
the boys were sore. He gave us an order, and one of the boys near me
said in a loud undertone, "Go to hell, you spindle-legged old crow."
The Major heard it; he turned quickly and looked in our direction and
caught me laughing, so he felt pretty sure that it was I who had made
the remark; so when he got a chance to get even, he soaked it to me.

However, two can play at that game, and my chance came a few nights
later; I was on sentry duty and the old Major was acting as orderly
officer. He was always spying on us boys, and about 2 A.M. on the
coldest nights he would make the round of the guards to