to St. James's, and there told Mr. Coventry what I had done with
my Lord with great satisfaction, and so well pleased home, where I found
it almost night, and my wife and the dancing-master alone above, not
dancing but talking. Now so deadly full of jealousy I am that my heart
and head did so cast about and fret that I could not do any business
possibly, but went out to my office, and anon late home again and ready
to chide at every thing, and then suddenly to bed and could hardly
sleep, yet durst not say any thing, but was forced to say that I had bad
news from the Duke concerning Tom Hater as an excuse to my wife, who
by my folly has too much opportunity given her with the man, who is a
pretty neat black man, but married. But it is a deadly folly and plague
that I bring upon myself to be so jealous and by giving myself such
an occasion more than my wife desired of giving her another month's
dancing. Which however shall be ended as soon as I can possibly. But I
am ashamed to think what a course I did take by lying to see whether
my wife did wear drawers to-day as she used to do, and other things to
raise my suspicion of her, but I found no true cause of doing it.

16th. Up with my mind disturbed and with my last night's doubts upon me,
for which I deserve to be beaten if not really served as I am fearful of
being, especially since God knows that I do not find honesty enough in
my own mind but that upon a small temptation I could be false to her,
and therefore ought not to expect more justice from her, but God pardon
both my sin and my folly herein. To my office and there sitting all the
morning, and at noon dined at home. After dinner comes Pembleton, and I
being out of humour would not see him, pretending business, but, Lord!
with what jealousy did I walk up and down my chamber listening to hear
whether they danced or no, which they did, notwithstanding I afterwards
knew and did then believe that Ashwell was with them. So to my office
awhile, and, my jealousy still reigning, I went in and, not out of any
pleasure but from that only reason, did go up to them to practise, and
did make an end of "La Duchesse," which I think I should, with a little
pains, do very well. So broke up and saw him gone. Then Captain Cocke
coming to me to speak about my seeming discourtesy to him in the
business of his hemp, I went to the office with him, and there
discoursed it largely and I think to his satisfaction. Then to my
business, writ